How does it even feel, when someone compels you to smile, at the very moment when your soul is withered; so much so that, you could almost break out into tears even while you’re trying the hardest to show off that you’re alright? How do others get to know even when you try to hide it all the time? Well, your eyes can, at every point in life, communicate better than your words; and their language is deep enough to be understood even when words feel to bridge it out but fail. But sometimes, we really need to walk with the world, silencing your words and the eyes too. They really ‘CAN’T’ disclose it all about you. It’s only you who is to be trusted by you. So you have to keep your promises to self. When you are at your worst emotional phase, you have a serious heartache that simply nobody could just mend, not even can you ask anyone to comfort you; that’s when you need yourself the most! You are your own superhero. We say that our parents or teachers or sometimes our best-friends keep up with us when everyone else gives up. But, we all have noticed that at some, or the other points in life, they too fail to keep faith in us. Sometimes we fall so hard, and so often, that even our closest ones feel giving up on us like we were meant to stay this way for the rest of our lives. They may catch up with us later on in their lives, but the fact is, everyone else except you, can give up on you at any point in life. If you don’t embrace yourself for being who you are, you can’t expect anyone else to. Accept the way you are, but don’t settle for the same. There is a lot that has to be learned, a lot to be achieved and all what you wanted ever can only be obtained if you are by your side, before anyone else is expected to be. All this mess, and you know when you are broken, hard like there’s simply no cure, then also, you have to remember that nobody else is gonna comfort you for long. You see people asking about how you’ve been doing, and all you have to say is that you’re fine. Is it the truth that you speak, or it’s the mask you wear when you don’t have the right person in front of you, to comfort you in your bad times? You know well, about who is gonna listen to what you have to say, and who has to be told about how you’ve been suffering. This suffering hollows you from within and every time you’re alone, you worry yourself more and more to the extent that you get lost in this. Days, weeks and months pass. All you have to do is suffer. How does this suffering not stop?
And how long should it take to recover? Well, that varies in the intensity of pain. Also, it depends highly on the cause of the pain. Sometimes it feels like a knife has been stabbed in your chest, the second you breathe is the time you suffocate. Does it end? It seems to ‘not’ exist, when you are purely busy, either flooded with some work or trying hard to make some space though it isn’t possible. So, it vanished? Certainly not! When you’re tackling with some stuff, pain might not come in between, and that simply does not convey that your pain just left you in the first place. But it showed how possible it is to suppress these emotions, and finally take control of your being. Now, however miserable we may feel, it isn’t always a great idea to overpower our inner self, which is actually not alright and is fooled to believe nothing’s gone wrong. The solution is not a pill, or a vacation, or partying or meditation. These will only ensure that the process of healing, of repair, is not only a desert long enough to walk over, and these oasis’ come to our rescue. The best way to reverse is to once do up with all what is left, shout loudly and more often and get mad, if you just reminded yourself to avoid and suppress, don’t do it anymore. All one needs to do is to listen to the heart for a while, let go of tears, let go off going out, let go off listening to the bullshit advice people give you, let loose the emotions, and bear open the wounds for a while. These wounds are to you your own, as much as is the sunshine of your life. You need to first realize, and then time is always by your side, watching it all, how you shrug it off and watch the pain fade away into the dusky sky. Only the traces of wounds will remain, and one day, when acceptance is learned, only the scars will be found, no wound certainly. Some wounds are permanent though, but time has its way of making you feel used to it. And once you go out, and try to peep into other people’s lives, you realize that your pain has never been that huge. It is only infinitesimal as compared to other being’s grieves, who came to earth and left even before marking their existence on earth. It is to time, that we leave the brokenness to be repaired, and we move ahead in a certain hope that one day, everything is going to fall to the right place. Since, nature has its own way of mending things, without a knock, and without a call, we leave it to its unique ways and hope to feel ‘unbroken’ and supreme within ourselves.
By Bhavna Dubey