Defiance, as you may call it. It’s really going over my head.
Should I rebel, or should I not? A question, that could only be answered by the wisest part of me, which may exist somewhere on the inside.
I am trying to be free spirited, mentally individualistic, and I need to experiment what I am learning in life. That’s how I am going to grow, learn and even if I am making a mistake, I would be responsible, and therefore, I would learn to overcome issues that hinder my development. Will somebody just stop being my shadow, and stop stopping me from making mistakes? Because, this way, you’re neither saving me, nor protecting me from harm, rather making me vulnerable .How would I, all of a sudden be able to handle things by myself, in an unpredicted future, where I may not know how to? I must learn beforehand, and I must look stronger. Adversities are surely a part of life, and so are beautiful memories a part. If you are stopping me, from making and living in the beautiful memories of life, you are keeping me from living. Because, that’s what living is all about -creating memories, living in the present moment, loving and caring truly and wholeheartedly, making mistakes, and learning from them. Allow me to live!
And why should I even beg, and whom should I beg to, to allow me to live?
Am I not the master of my own life? Are others, even my family, friends, relatives or teachers more deserving owners of my life? I ask you sometimes, and you simply deny. Not even a second thought crosses your mind, about I might be right, at some point, somewhere there, where you couldn’t even reach to think of. How could you even judge the limit of my mental reach? How can you not understand, that I can have, a varying philosophy, than yours, since I have read different books, I have met different people, I have been to a different school, and, I’ve always had a way different thought process? You mustn’t, well, compare our thoughts. Since all other thoughts have more or less, varied origins. You can’t question my origin. Nobody knows that their thoughts have emerged from some particular phenomenon. We all are unique, in every aspect, and so are humans so wonderful creatures. Even if you try to convince me, to be as perfect as they are, I want you to understand, that I could learn from them, more or less, but at the end of the day, our uniqueness mustn’t be mocked at. We must remain who we are, with additional qualities, but still, preserving what gives us this unique identity. Don’t ask me to copy them. Because you already know why…You are different and so am I. Is it way too difficult to assimilate?
I am in agony. Agony in me is about, all this. It’s about, how you want me to die. You want me to live, and I understand. But you are unknowingly, asking me to finish myself up. It’s visible in how you always cut my words, and how you never let me speak. And how, when I speak, I am called outspoken. And when I keep mum, I’m good for nothing. And when I state what I want, I am called incapable to handle. I’m shown exemplary people, somewhere from among us, who might have done somewhat better than us, in a field or two. But I feel sorry for you. I feel you must have, by now understood that no two people are same, neither their capabilities are, nor their interests are. And no people will remain the same after years. We, the human race, have the immense capability to attain greatness, at the most unexpected hour of life. How could you, then underestimate me and then, at another minute, just speak that you know I can do it. I need no sympathy. I need real trust. If you can’t make me feel, that you trust me, I have no space for your fake sympathy. I am not someone who is less-able. I am born with capabilities beyond human measure, and I will show you what beyond really looks like. Keep your seat-belts on, because this rocket is goanna launch very soon.
Author- Bhavna Dubey